Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
