Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
