I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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