k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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