Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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