his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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