I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my sisters under your porch take her home
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
