M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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