Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
