Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
