So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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