I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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