Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
