how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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