I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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