A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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