I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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