Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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