i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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