Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize