She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
