guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Someone came in the potted fern
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
