She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
