i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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