We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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