She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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