In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
