just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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