So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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