He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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