I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
