when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
