At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
