He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
