I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
