My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
