did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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