The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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