He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
