I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
