Kiss
Puke
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
