I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
