and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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