Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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