I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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