So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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