VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
