Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
