you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize