Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The air was thick with penises
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
