God gave him joint rollers for hands
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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