Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
