i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
