What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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