Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
