Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize