also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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