The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
