we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
