Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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