i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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