dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
