It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
