He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she looked like the before picture.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
