the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
