evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
