Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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