i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
only you would photoshop your dick
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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