I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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