if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize