Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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