you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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