I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize