She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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