so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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