Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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