Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
