Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
