if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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