Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
