Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
