i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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