just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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