How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
