I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
