dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize