wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
