No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
