WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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