bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
