I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Randomize
