Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
