Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize