It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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