Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
