idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
