End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize