I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize