My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can I color on your dick again?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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