No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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