proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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