Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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